I write this on the first day I came home after dropping my little boy at day care. For the first time, I left him there, and I walked home. For the first time I am doing work (well, right now I’m writing this…) without him running around nearby.
I have had to think a lot about this time. It’s not a lot of time. He does a couple of sessions a week. And at one stage I was getting very worked up about how best to use the time. Should I take on more clients in my work? Should I use it for me? Should I add other business elements? Should I use it for housework? What was I going to do about the time I’d lose walking there and back? I was frustrated. I wanted to use the time, but I was going to lose over a quarter of that precious time with travelling. Urgh. What a waste of time.
And then I took myself in hand.
As a family, we are always in a rush. We have a toddler, obviously, that’s part of it. And my husband is really not brilliant at getting himself ready and out the door. It’s just how we are. It frustrates me, because I’m the kind of person who generally will be walking round the block a couple of times before an appointment, but I’ve made my peace with it! Mostly.
I have decided that I am going to embrace that time on daycare days. I am asking myself: what does it mean to use that time productively? Is it about pushing myself to take more work to make more money? Yeah, we need the money. Or is it more productive to acknowledge that in over two years I’ve barely had a moment to myself, and I need that in order to be a happy and healthy human being. And mum.
So, that’s what I’m doing. I have a coat. I have a raincover for the pushchair. I am researching a less appallingly heavy pushchair. I am going to find earphones so I can listen to podcasts and audio books. I am going to find my fitbit so I can have step contests with people. I am going to admire the world I live in. I am not going to rush. Unless I’m running late for pick up because I wanted to take a photo of a squirrel.