Being Me

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One of the interesting things about being self employed and spending so much more time at home than I ever did before, is my relationship with clothing and my personal appearance in general.

As an employee, I always erred on the side of conservatism. I tried to emulate the other women I worked with, but ultimately really couldn’t be bothered. You see, I don’t want to take the time to put on make up every day or do anything with my hair beyond make sure it isn’t greasy. It’s just not me. I’ve often wanted it to be. But it’s one of those things that unless you’re prepared to put in the time and effort, it just won’t happen. As a result, though, I never felt very good about myself at work. I always felt rather unfinished, messy, childish alongside my female colleagues – even the ones who were ten years younger than me.

Fast forward to now. I am not an employee. It’s a good day if I get to have a shower in the morning or am not wearing yesterday’s clothes. I have gained weight since my pregnancy and am at least one clothing size up from where I was before. Yet, I’ve never felt more comfortable with myself.

Something I have been thinking about for a while, and have finally started to put into practice, was buying and having fewer clothes, but going for higher quality and wearing them more often. And thanks to the post-Christmas sales and some vouchers I received as presents, I have had a little clothes buying frenzy. And I’m so excited. I have skirts! Cute ones. One with bookshelves. One with dachshunds. One with grown up embroidery. I wear them with some excellent boots I got for Christmas and breast-feeding t-shirts from H&M. The style is a little muddled, but it is me. I wear them even on days when I know I won’t leave the house, because I love them and they make me feel good. The joy is, I am not comparing myself to anyone. I am not trying to be anyone else or dress like anyone else.

In a similar vein, I actually put more effort into my makeup now too. Not that I wear it often. Nor am I particularly making a statement with it. It’s mostly aimed at making me look vaguely awake when I’m going somewhere where I think that might be helpful or someone might take my photo.

Can anyone else relate? Am I the only one playing with play dough whilst wearing an outfit that others would probably see as overdressed? Are we all happy with that?

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